Alicja had felt a foreboding feeling when they had been woken up that morning. There had been no meagre breakfast. Just a round up of all the women and children in the two or three huts that were close to the chimney’s. Ewa was sick, she was only 3 years old and could barely walk when roughly prodded by one of the guards. Alicja had immediately picked her up in order to protect her. The guard did not mind as long as everyone kept moving.
And they all kept moving, they wanted to avoid the butts of the rifles on their backs and knees. The pain was unbearable when you were so thin that your bones were practically coming through your skin. The Guard’s did not care, they had become immune to looking at these women and children , who to them now were no more than shadows. They were in such a poor state, they no longer were human. Their fate , well it was the best thing for them. They were living ghosts. They smelt like ghosts too, it was a musty smell which never left the Guard’s nostrils. Even when they drank their beer in the mess, it smelled of dust.
Alicja knew as they made their way, there was about forty of them now, that what was happening was not good and that this would be the end. She soothed Ewa, who had managed to fall asleep on her shoulder. Alicja wanted to make this as easy for Ewa as she could. Alicja had long stopped being frightened of Death, it was ever present, but her little sister, who had suffered so much , well she didn’t want her to be scared at the final moment, she would find a way to make it happen quickly, she would block out the noise. The rumours in the camp, the hearsay about what went on in the so called shower blocks. Alicja knew about the panic at the End, when people rushed away from the smoke bombs that came from above their heads. She knew about the shame of being told to strip and being pushed and prodded into the building, with some trying to cover their private parts and others accepting of their degrading treatment.
Alicja had already undressed after being told by a guard to hurry up She had placed her clothes on the bench for Ewa to lie on while she undressed her .Ewa stirred as Alicja took off the few rags of clothes that she had on, she was still asleep It was sad , the child did not want to get up off the make shift bed . However, Alicja had to keep moving and picked Ewa up. They were both naked , and felt the chill air. Alicja held Ewa close in order to give her whatever warmth she could manage. Ewa put her hand on Alicja’s breast and Alicja was relieved. Ewa made a noise, it wasn’t a whimper of pain .Ewa was remembering suckling her mother. It was maybe a year since they had seen their mother and Alicja did not know what had happened to her , but Alicja felt happy that Ewa still remembered her. Ewa reached for the breast and began to suckle. Alicja walked slowly, her arms wrapped around the suckling child.
Alicja walked into the “Shower Room”, there were maybe thirty people already in there. From what she had heard, she wanted to find a place where her and her sister would not be crushed when the “Gas Bombs” came through the roof. Ewa continued to suckle , even though Alicja had no milk. There was a small bench in the middle, she supposed it was for people to sit down and change after their shower. She moved towards it and sat down. It was a relief to sit and just hold Ewa who was relaxed and content in her arms.
Suddenly , Alicja heard the clank of the metal door. They were locked in. There was no water to have a shower, the women began to panic, there were screams and protests.
“Please let us out!”
Alicja, held Ewa even closer and covered her ears, she held her face close to the child’s small head with it’s fine brown hair. She could feel the child’s teeth on her nipple. The child continued to suckle .Alicja was going to do everything in her power to ensure Ewa would not be frightened at the end. Alicja began to sing a lullaby to Ewa, one her mother had taught them.
Alicja knew what was going to happen next, and wasn’t surprised when the cyanide bombs came through the roof and landed on the floor. Those closest to them died almost immediately, they lost consciousness within a minute or so, those further away panicked and ran towards the door and against the walls trying to escape the gas.
Alicia waited for a few moments and held her breath until the very last moment and quickly removed Ewa from her breast and raised her onto her shoulder as if to wind the child,she gently tapped her back and the minute she felt Ewa go limp she took a deep breath herself.At least she thought as her lungs filled with cyanide gas Ewa had died in her arms thinking of the love of her mother,it was all she could do for her.
thenotsomightyom 